Regaining the Man Within the Black Family

Peace to the social world. Today’s topic is regaining the man within the black family. It’s likely the most important topic we, here at B.A.F., will touch upon. True to part of our name sake “awareness”,we’re bringing light to the weakest part of the foundation of the black nation. So, Imma call it “domestic energy”.

First, we must, as men and a community, see being a family man as a responsibility, not a weakness. A positive action, a duty to strength and the black condition and family. Spreading the seed was looked upon as a victory of the ego of young black men. Mainly by the example of the generations before us. But, deeper than that, it was a way of life early on in our existence to keep our race alive. Male slaves were encouraged to impregnate women and multiply because, to the slave owner, it was free slave labor. So, it has been ingrained in the black man’s biological makeup. It was normal for a slave father to be killed, jailed or sold to another plantation. Their presence was not a normal black occurrence. That is no excuse, just a deeper view. Truthfully, every one of us have common sense. Reality of fatherhood and the design of a family unit is father – mother – child(ren) – community (village). The symptoms are many, but these are the most damaging elements of the deconstruction of the black family.

Fatherlessness; studies show that one out of every three black children is the U.S. lives without their biological father. Children who grow up without fathers are more likely to suffer from emotional problems, abuse alcohol and drugs and drop out of school.

You know B.A.F. is all about solutions, concrete in their counter action. The black family is diverse, coming in many shades and environments. If we’re truly the universal race, we must accept this fact. Now, fathers come in many forms like step fathers and other family members becoming a father figure. So, the family structure couldn’t be destroyed by the absence of the biological family. Take any role as the black man representative in a family setting seriously. Step fatherhood is an extension of the diverse black family. Your role is a provider, protector, educator, giver, guider of the family’s dreams and goals, teacher of life, builder of confidence and warner of pitfalls. The role is no less vital. In some ways, it’s more and the limitations of not being the biological father are small. Health info and problems may call for biological heritage. Family first, children must be valued as the preservers of our existence. They are the cream of the man and woman. The clay to be molded by who? You or society?

Victim; a victim mentality is to seek fault in any one or any traumatic occurrence i.e. slavery or discrimination one has felt. It grows when we refuse to be the men and women (parents) we are meant to be. We are raising generations of our children within the black communities as victims and complainers. Yes, there are hard truths and yes, there are reasons. But, as I keep expressing to people I politic with, this is our burden. African diaspora, our being used as slaves in all continents thru time. Asia, Africa, Europe, North America and Oceania. Remember the Egyptians were slaves for hundreds of years. But, the Europeans’ version of slavery was how they say it now “on a new level”. It was physical torture and torment, complete stripping of self-worth and identity. To Asia, Africans mainly stayed together. Slaves had communities and in some cases, had the ability to rise in rank. Their humanity was not taken from them. They were not forced to believe they were less than human. Our burden, as a whole race, is beyond the personal struggles of individuals. We have a greater hardship to overcome, as a whole. Our task is greater than the Jews’ plight or the Chinese discrimination against the Japanese. Ours is a world view of Africans, as sub servant or even savage. At one time, the rest of the world believed that! Could it be resentment because it’s a known fact that Africa is the birth place of humanity and the richest in natural resources? Back to the point…

Even if we have good reasons, taking the victim stance does the individual harm in personal growth and doesn’t help the black condition. Instead, embrace the resiliency of our race. Learn all you can about that which makes you feel some type of way. You will discover in our history, a symbol of a man or woman to combat our most pressing issue throughout time. UNITY is the goal to aspire. R U WIT ME?

Anger; not the venom of things done to us, nor the anger of a child whom asks “Where’s my daddy? Doesn’t he love me?” These questions at age three, six and beyond manifest into anger if their life is not met with the presence of the father or a father figure. Some children grow to hate the absent parent, fall into an emotional state or waste personal advancement time to reconnect to the missing father. The burning question is WHY? Young men and women are being devastated by this act of selfish fathers and in turn, set their offspring up for failure!

The only thing that kills hate is love. If I kill your family member, it breeds more hate. If I show caring and concern for your family member, love is reciprocated. The only solution is to show and express more love and if the child misses the bond and affection of a father or mother, they are deprived of learning love. What’s left to cultivate? HATE! It manifests itself in schools, daycares and other homes. “Anger”. You’re feeding your children, and not at the dinner table. Showing love does not make the man soft, it makes you a man. Maturing as a complete man. Only love can conquer hate!

Crime; some young black men feel as a young black man in the hood, it’s a right of passage to be imprisoned. “You ain’t real till you did some time”. What a self-destructive, self-conditioning thought. We owe no one a debt when it comes to our freedom. Would you agree? So, here’s how the black youth feel like in poor black communities about crime, which is another example of victimhood… They believe with the disadvantage of position in America, getting some “easy” money will atone for the crimes done to us. A misguided energy attempt to even the score, a victim’s mentality. A young, unguided quick decision. If there is no man to teach of the ills of the justice system and senseless crime. Also, sometimes just the lack of funds within the home makes any young, soon to be man watch his mother struggle. He will go out and try to do a man’s job and what options does he have? What experience does he have? What choice of earning money will he choose? Or more shocking, what will your daughter choose, given the same conflict?

Men can only grow by lessons from another man. Women are only truly protected from the paws of society by the strength, comfort and security of her father!

Seek help thru family rebuilding programs in your area – Urban league, church groups and NAACP programs. If no one’s available, devise your own!

Passion from a pen – KJS
Gang Single mom